Well I doubt anyone really reads this anymore but what the hey.

I've been looking back on this year and found I'm quite disappointed with myself. I've bummed about, not raelly going anywhere this past year. I've made no progress, nor any seemingly worthy contributions to anyone, and due to this I'm feeling quite unfulfilled.

This was meant to be my year of.. reflection. of finding out, what i really wanted to do with my life, but indecision and lack of motivation have played as major downers in this plan.

I would guess the major point was the hepititis. As well as being sick, drained and exhausted for all the months before i even knew what it was. Though it's only recently that I have really found myself at a point I had feared for so long, yet been nearly unable to prevent from coming.

Almost everything has become a drag in my life. Whether it be the inability to get decent employment, or sometimes even getting up to find food. It all seems more challenging that it ever used to be, and more of a drain on my sanity than these things should be.

Even things that would pick me up, make me happier, the things i hold closest to my heart are becoming cold and empty. I no longer draw, hardly take any photos, nor ever write like i used to. All this amongst many other, even more important things.

It's less than a month till I'm 19, and what have I really got to show for it? not much at all.

I figure Until I have a job I'm just going to go Back to being nocturnal... The zombie of the day... and the progressing insomniac of night. At least then I was somewhat happier, and had a feeling of purpose.

Nowadays it feels like I'm wasting so much time when i sleep. Like I'm wasting my life in general. And the person closest to me does not wish to help. too caught up in their own lives to care or show any sign of appreciation that i'm even here. Never any time for me, where there used to be so much, even though i have done so much for them they do not even make the effort anymore, and I'm left feeling unwanted and unneeded.

So yeah anyway... If anyone's got any suggestions for anything I can do to improve my state of life, I'm listening with all ears.

Dave